It’s almost been three months since we’ve been here together.
The wedding was just what we envisioned. Intimate, emotional and full of love. Tears fell from the moment my son and I made our grand entrance and continued the entire time. Sharing those precious moments with our small community of family and friends was just right. It was so sweet how it all came together.
About a week and half later we packed up and set off on the most grand adventure we could ever imagine. France will forever hold a very special place in our hearts. Two weeks of magnificent moments.
It was truly M A G I C A L.
We returned on a high like no other. Things got rolling again and it felt like those moments we shared were a hundred years ago. Compound that with a whirlwind of activities, another wedding and the back to school rush. It was good bye magical days and welcome to the grind.
I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I wanted to stay in the honeymoon - literally - forever! How could I not!? It was that fantastic. A dream. I could write a novel describing the deliciousness of it all. But that’s for another time…right now, it’s all about life happening and kids and commitments and, and, and…
And guess what? I found myself grieving something new. ‘It’ was over. There was all that build up. Something to look forward to and work towards. All of that took a lot of energy. And guess what else it did that I didn’t realize until recently? It allowed me to be somewhere else, which meant I wasn’t dealing with all my other stuff in the here and now.
When the end of the wedding/honeymoon season arrived and the clash of real life hit…I found myself in a slump. I was leading with my head instead of my heart and NOT listening to my body. I was off track. As a result, I felt totally out of whack.
Life changes can do just that.
I had made a conscious decision to take a break from social media during our wedding and honeymoon (which was an incredible gift to myself). Upon our return I dipped back in just to share some highlights from our adventures abroad. I soon found that I wanted the social media break to continue and I wanted to stay cocooned in our new little family life. During that time, I frequently reminded myself that I had to take turtle steps to maneuver my way up and out of the funk that I felt had settled around me.
Along with taking things slowly, I required love, kindness and grace for myself. It’s been a bit bumpy and I haven’t always handled it just right, but I’ve found my footing again. The life changes that come after loss (even the most joyous!) do not erase history. In an odd way, a life change can put a spotlight on it. What I’ve come to understand is that my desire to help others has not wavered a moment. In fact the more I observe my own suffering and my own plight with change, the more I know this work is being called out of me.
In no way could I return and say hey, life is perfect now that I am married. Let ME tell you how to live a perfect life. Oh hell no. Sharing the realness of my life and how I keep making my way back home to myself is what I am here to offer you. And the only way to do that is through authentic living and truth telling. It doesn’t always look pretty, but I know this for sure - integrity feels like freedom. And that is the most beautiful thing in the universe to me.
I’ve missed you and I am honored to return.
PS. If you are in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, stay tuned…I have a speaking gig coming up in October that I can’t wait to tell you more about. More details coming soon…
*Are you interested in learning more about grief guidance and wayfinding? I offer a complimentary 30 minute session.
Photo Credit: Moi! (From my honeymoon - July 8, 2018 - Roussillon, France - LG V30)