In my experience, loss was a doorway to awakening, a new found reality I could either welcome or battle.
I used to loathe Spring. I wanted it to remain dark and cold, like I felt inside. I remember actually being mad at the sun. Loss will do that to you. My internal and external worlds were destroyed. Anything bright and shiny just pissed me off.
I needed that time to brood. To fall apart. To be angry. To be sad. And to run through every emotion, not once. Not twice. But many, many times over. That kind of existence is what Martha Beck calls Square One, which she describes as death + rebirth.
The thing about Square One is you are in it so deep that it's all consuming. Fighting it may prolong it. So let yourself sit in the mess. Notice the darkness. Know that you don't have to stay in Square One forever. It is a point on the continuum of your journey.
The darkness holds a tender place in my heart. That may sound odd. But it's what got me here today. To the person I am now. I not only love the light again, it now shines through me.
*Are you interested in learning more about grief guidance and wayfinding? I offer a complimentary 30 minute session. You don’t have to move through your Square One alone.