New Year Note
How I wanted to say farewell to 2018 and welcome 2019 dawned on me while on the yoga mat. (I’m absolutely a yoga novice who receives small, yet rewarding physical, emotional and mental clarity and respite when practiced.) There are two parts to this note - first, a conversation I had with my son two days ago and second, how I want to feel today and every day moving into 2019.
NOTES FROM MOM
We were driving home from our third trip to Fry's electronics. My son was building his first PC, which honestly was an emotionally charged event. You see, his Daddy was a mad scientist when it came to computers and anything tech. Throughout the process I couldn’t help think that maybe my son had his Daddy on his mind. I did. So as we were riding along in a good, happy place I wanted to take the time to check in with him. I began by asking how he was doing. After his response, I asked how he thought he was doing compared to six months ago. And then I asked what he thought changed between then and now. He was insightful and candid, which opened the doorway for me to share what I felt compelled to offer.
I told him the ebb and flow of grief is normal. It can wash over us like crashing waves or simply touch the surface like the tide running across our toes. I implored him to remember most of all that grief flows. Sometimes the down times take longer. Sometimes it feels like infinity. But there are clearings.
I am certain I said these things before to him in some way or another, but I think reminders like these are important, helpful and necessary for all of us. The ebb and flow of emotions are normal aspects of grief. It is human to feel, to grieve, to live a healthy life and to feel joy return.
2019: GENTLE + LIGHT
2018 was a huge year. My husband and his daughter moved in with us, we got married, honeymooned in France, had two more family weddings, kiddos in school and sports, and all the things that come along with creating a new family. It was an emotionally FULL year. It was beautiful in all the good ways you can imagine, yet I can see how so much emotional expenditure has left me feeling a bit woozy…kind of like that feeling after drinking a good glass of champagne. Warm, toasty and a tad sedated.
I’ve spent some time over the last month thinking about what I want in 2019. I yearn for simplicity, authenticity, connection and conscious action. Let me share a little more about each one of these values.
Simplicity - I strive to live a minimalist lifestyle which means less focus on consumerism and materialism.
Authenticity - Live my values no matter who I am with, where I am at or whatever the circumstances may be.
Connection - Go beyond the surface level and be present (e.g., put in place electronic device boundaries, notice mind wandering, etc.).
Conscious action - Live in alignment with my values and what I choose to do, consume, engage with, work with/for, spend time with, support, protest, speak about, etc.
When I think about these values I’ve identified for myself, the words gentle and light come to mind. I want to be gentle with myself as I endeavor to follow this path. I am not going to do it perfectly, but I can do it with ease. I want to be gentle with others who may not be alignment with my values. And I want to carry myself throughout 2019 with a lightness. I don’t want to take myself too seriously, yet have a reverence for what I am striving for in my life.
A gentle, light pursuit of what I want life to be like in 2019 and beyond.
These are a just couple of the things I plan on doing to help me along and I thought I’d share with you.
A 30 day yoga challenge called Dedicate by Yoga with Adriene
Out with the Old - 5 Days of Letting Go by Siobhan Nash Coaching
For authentic conversations on an array of topics watch - Red Table Talk
There are many other things I am doing / plan to do such as reading more, getting solid sleep, spending time in nature, eating well, writing for fun, etc. I hope what resonates from all of this that I’ve shared is the way in which I am approaching everything. It’s not a hard striving or critically focused with restrictive rules. It’s gentle and light. It has a sense of awareness and compassion. This is how I want to treat myself and others. So why not make that how we welcome the New Year as well.
I look forward to a slow start, lots of hope and a whole lotta love. I wish each of you a Happy New Year full of comfort, hope and peace.
*Are you interested in learning more about grief guidance and wayfinding? I offer a complimentary 30 minute session.
Photo credit: Dawid Zawiła